adventures with lip balm!

My sister, Virginia lives in Korea. She has an exotic, exciting life and I occasionally wish I were her. She works an abbreviated week and has friends and activities that keep her busy in the hustle and bustle of a major Asian city. She takes the best holidays to the most desirable locations. And she is a super shopper! She sends us the coolest stuff.

I love my stainless steel set of chopsticks, complete with velvet case; the nicest silver ware I own. She gets fun things for real cheap and we have been showered with the best in socks and t-shirts and "hello kitty" over the years. I've got silk screened art and paintings and the list goes on...The novelty items she finds on her shopping excursions are un-paralleled.

But the one thing that my other sisters have always loved to receive is "Tiger Balm". They are always asking her for Tiger Balm. And she has always been quick to oblige. I never knew exactly what Tiger Balm was but I knew everybody loved it so I was excited last time I opened a treasure package from Virginia and found a small tub of Tiger Balm! Score!
I put it aside and decided to investigate at a time when I could thoroughly enjoy it. A few days later, my lips were feeling a little dry. I was headed towards the bathroom where I keep a HUGE supply of lip balm when I remembered my new tub of Tiger Balm in my bedside table!

I dug it out and smeared a generous amount of the beloved salve all over my lips. As I was returning to the kitchen where my family was gathering for Sunday dinner my lips began to BURN!!!!

I wasn't sure what exactly was happening but it kind of felt like they might actually explode... I turned to my other sister, Wendi and said, "I don't think that Tiger Balm stuff is very good. It just makes my lips hurt. I ffleel like I've been to the dentispt and he fwroze my liffps."

Wendi gasped in horror and exclaimed incredulously, "You put Tiger Balm on your LIPS?!!"

Then everyone in the room started to laugh and mock my pain, my foolishness, my naivety, etc. etc. etc. It was apparently quite hilarious.

How come I'm the only one on the planet that didn't know that Tiger Balm is NOT lip balm?
Oh, well: lesson learned. It's Thursday now and my lips hardly even tingle today.

adventures in...romance?

I've never been particularly romantic. That's just the way I am. I let the people I love know they are loved regularly with words and occasionally with a token but I'm not one of those girls who lives for flowers and chocolates and I'm certainly not laying awake at night dreaming up "romantic" encounters. I like to think I'm genuine and sincere in my relationships and that those who are important to me "get it."

I'm married to a hopeless romantic. ugh...that's just the way it is. My man is always dreaming up ways to make me feel special and he REALLY tries. Full points for effort.

A few days ago I was particularly busy at the office. There was a lot happening; phone ringing, people coming and going, orders being given by the man in charge. I was working hard and really trying to manage the chaos and keep my wits and sense of humor.

Suddenly there was a guy at the counter with a brown package that looked like flowers.

"Can I help you?"

"Delivery for Lorri Smart."

I hastily thanked him for the package and stowed it under the counter.

A few minutes later the receptionist said, "That looks like a package of flowers. Shouldn't you see who they're from and take care of them?"

I grabbed the package and hurried back to the lunchroom to investigate.

Sure enough...it was a dozen roses, in desperate need of a vase and water. The roses also came with a card.

I smiled, put the flowers in water, noted that I am married to a great guy, and said to myself, "...must thank Wally for the lovely flowers...so sweet."

Then I went back to work. And it was a busy afternoon... When it was time to leave, I rushed out of the office to another pressing engagement and abandoned my roses (with the exceedingly romantic card) in the back room.

I actually never gave the flowers another thought. I had a number of things on the "go" that day and didn't arrive home until probably 9:30 pm that night.

As we were getting ready for bed, Wally leaned out of his bathroom and casually asked, " Did you get a delivery this afternoon?"

"Huh? At the office? Were you expecting something?" I answered vaguely.

"Ya," he replied sullenly, "Maybe some flowers?"

"Oh Honey, THE ROSES were lovely! Thank you so much!" I exclaimed with as much emotion as I could muster in such a tight spot.

As I was desperately trying to remember what I'd actually DONE with the roses, Wally came out of the bathroom and approached me with open arms. "Good thing I found them as I was cleaning up and brought them home for you, right?"

(thanks Wally, love you...)

mac attack!

                           I                                                                                       my macbook!

Wally bought it for me for Mother's Day last year, insisting it would make my life easier as I organized my photos and banking and notes and calendars and stuff in one easy spot.

Actually, I'm sure he was just tired of all the little "piles" of stuff I'm famous for hiding in various spots around the house.

It has worked out well for me. And it has really cut down on the clutter. 

But sometimes I just need to make a quick note to myself so I will write on a "post it" note (the BEST non electric thing ever invented) and stick said note on my keyboard, to remind me to take care of it later when I'm using my computer.

This morning Wally came into the kitchen and sat down at the table in front of MY macbook. He said, "This is just wrong...I'm going to make you a document if you can't figure out how to put this on your NOTEPAD."

And he did just that: he transposed all my sticky notes into a document or two, saved them to my desktop and crumpled up all my sticky papers and threw them in the (literal;not virtual) TRASH!

"There" he said as he closed the macbook lid, "Now Steve Jobs can rest in peace."

I'm glad that's taken care of; I'd hate to be the reason for any eternal restlessness.

airport adventures

I take a lot of pride in being grown up. I've raised my children to adulthood. I am relatively confident in my skills as a mother. I've always got really excellent free advice for anyone in the thick of things. And this week I thought I could help my sister out with a little errand she had to take care of.

My niece Kaitlyn needed to be at the Calgary airport to catch a flight to Grande Prairie on Friday morning. Kaitlyn's been making this trip since she was 3. She's definitely not intimidated by airports.

But now Kaitlyn is 12 and no longer qualifies as an unaccompanied minor on the plane so it was with a little trepidation my sister agreed to let her go. "As long as someone can go with her to the gate, it should be ok."

My sister is recovering from surgery so I volunteered to make the drive to Calgary to deposit Kaitlyn. I needed a day off anyway and the flight was early so that would leave the whole afternoon for shopping! I was actually looking forward to the whole thing.

I decided to invite my other niece, Alexis, to come along so I would have some company on the way home. It was beginning to look like a great idea. Alexis and Kaitlyn would get to visit on the way up and I would have some special time with Alexis after we sent Kaitlyn on her way. And Kaitlyn would have a grown up and a friend to send her off safely.

Everything was going to plan. We woke up early and left home on time. We arrived at the airport a full hour and half before her boarding time, parked the car and headed to the departures level. That's when things started to unravel for me.

For one reason or another, Kaitlyn has never gotten a passport and I was quite nervous about not having a passport for her. I have NEVER let my children travel without a passport. It's kind of like a security blanket for me. (although, when you think about it-the passport does not guarantee anything!!!) I was also getting nervous about asking to accompany her to the gate even though I am not her mother...The letter my sister had provided was NOT NOTARIZED so my anxiety grew as I made my way to the stupid self serve kiosk. Seriously, whatever happened to those smiling attendants just dying to serve the harried traveller?

Adding to my impending panic was the fact that there was about 200 people snaking their way through the line to the baggage drop. It was crowded. I was nervous; responsible for a child that wasn't mine and not sure how to get exactly what I needed from the impersonal machine in front of me.

Things went from bad to worse as I realized the itinerary I had in my hand did not have a barcode...step one; place barcode under reader. 

As I stood by the kiosk looking absolutely spooked, I met a friend from Magrath - a fellow traveller! "Where are you headed?" she asked with a big smile. "Oh, I'm not going anywhere," I replied with a nervous grin. "I'm just getting Kaitlyn on a plane to Grand Prairie."

"Ha...I'm taking two dozen kids to Montreal for a Judo tournament," she laughed and carried on through the crush of people with all her little ducks in a row. Effortlessly.

Step two; scan passport. I started to FRANTICALLY scan the crowd for someone who might be able to tell me what to do. Finally, I saw an agent herding people this way and that. I overheard her say "Grand Prairie"as she shoved a guy and his bags down a line to my left. 

"Excuse me?" I asked as I approached the girl in uniform. "Could you help me out here? I have to help Kaitlyn get on the plane to Grand Prairie and I don't have a bar code and she doesn't have a passport and GULP, Blubber, sniff I AM NOT GOING TO CRY ABOUT THIS...."

Whereupon I lost it and just sort of stood there crying, looking pathetic as Kaitlyn and Alexis shifted uncomfortably at my side. 

The agent shifted her gaze from me to Kaitlyn and said, "How old are you Kaitlyn?"

I pulled myself together as Kaitlyn replied, "Twelve." 

"She's a big girl." The agent looked at me and said, "She'll be fine."

"She's a lot littler than she looks!" I wailed. And then in an effort to act my age I said, "This is ALOT harder for me than it is for Kaitlyn!"

Taking charge of my hysteria (to her credit) the agent then directed me to relax; she'd help us out, there was no problem and Kaitlyn would be fine. Did I want to take her through security and to her gate? Then pointing all the way across the terminal to a single desk manned by one person behind a computer she said, "See Liz over there? Go tell her Mae sent you and that Kaitlyn needs to check in and you need a pass for yourself and Alexis to accompany her through security and to her gate." Then she actually unhooked the rope and led our little group of three PAST everyone else waiting in line and deposited us at Mae's desk.

Three minutes later we were through security and seated at Kaitlyn's gate enjoying Tim Horton's doughnuts and a Calgary Herald. 

I was a little embarrassed and in an effort to make light of the situation I grinned and asked, "OK girls. Did we learn a lesson in this whole little adventure today?"

Without missing a beat Alexis responded quite seriously, "If you cry, you get to go to the front of the line."

Yup. That's what we learned today.

adventures in crossing the street

Today I almost drove over a guy. BUT it wasn't my fault!! It was totally HIS - the dummy.


I could see him on the curb for a whole block away. He stood on the edge of the sidewalk, poised to cross the street, coffee in his left hand, briefcase in the right - eyes straight ahead waiting for the little "walk" guy. 


And as I was stopped at the red light (and it was his turn to cross the street in front of me) I watched him watch the girl crossing the street ...it was so bizarre.

He watched her as she stepped off the curb opposite him and as she walked across the street towards him (in front of my car idling at the red light). He watched her as she approached his side of the curb and then he actually turned his head and followed her with his eyes as she walked past him and carried on her merry way down the street. 


I was actually quite entertained for the 13 seconds it took her to get across the street.


Then the red light turned green and it was my turn to GO.


I had just started to proceed through the intersection when "Don Juan" remembered he was supposed to cross the street. He turned back to the street and BOLTED right in front of my car!!


I laughed out loud as as I turned on my wipers to clean his coffee off my windshield and he did his best to get to the other side of the road against the RED - the dummy.

i gotta get a hobby

So this morning I was wasting time on the internet. I fiddled around on facebook for a while. Although I must confess I'm a bit nervous ever since I heard about the IT guy on the radio who compared FB to BIG BROTHER.

Then I spent some time on pinterest. But you can only "pin" so many sarcastic, odd, ridiculous quotes to a board before you get bored!

Then I checked my email but no one had written me today - not even the online pharmacies! 

You tube was fun but seriously, talking dogs and epic fails are only entertaining for the first 23 seconds.

I even joined an online discount shopping club!

And then I remembered I hadn't been shopping on etsy for a while. 

All in all I wasted a good hour or two just messing around and losing brain cells. Then I stumbled on to a blog about a big metal chicken and from there things just went downhill. I roamed around some "mommyblogs" and then some "nasty-mommyblogs" and finally just plain "stupid-mommyblogs". 

This has got to be a little bit what crack cocaine feels like. Deep down you know you shouldn't but you just can't help yourself.

I finally hit on something that just made me press ESC! 

I don't know if this would do it for everyone but  finding this little treasure on the lamest blog ever!! helped me to realize I needed to step away and definitely find something else to do (like maybe scrub a toilet, or make banana bread or ANYTHING but internet surfing!!!)

Seriously, who in their right mind BUYS a trike at the thrift store and then heads over the the extrememly overpriced, high end, quilting/crafting/fabric store to buy fabric to WRAP said tricycle??!!! ......And then takes a picture and proudly displays this lapse in sanity for the WHOLE WORLD TO SEE!!!

My head hurts just looking at this!

I think I'll try reading a book.