the surprise

Jordan's "golden" birthday kind of came and went. He turned 23 on the 23 of June and everybody was BUSY...working, vacationing, playing...We had known his birthday would fall on busy day so a few days before his birthday, we got together and ate cake in his honor. Part of that fun family tradition is that everyone present gets to tell a story about the birthday boy! The stories were all funny and Jordan endured the attention well.

But there is one story that I completely forgot about until I was visiting with Sara (Jordan's wife) the other day.

I was just getting used to having three little girls to take care of when woops - pregnant again! After the initial shock wore off I got excited and started to plan for four little girls. I mean, it just didn't make any sense for me to imagine a little boy in our family. What were the odds of us actually having our very own real, live BOY?

(angela, diana and sara)

So my pregnancy progressed without incident and the time came for the baby to arrive. The due date was June 3, 1988. And I was basically as big as a house and busy, busy, busy. I loaded up the little girls and took them to a primary party on June 6. Jugglers and treats and a grand time was had by all and no baby arrived. Then there was a flurry of activity through the month of June-end of school parties, trips to the park, the zoo, etc.etc. AND STILL NO BABY!

I had decided I was 1/2 elephant and I would be carrying this baby FOREVER! My doctor believed with all his heart that giving birth was a normal, natural thing and there was no need to interfere with Mother Nature. But as I was moving into my third week overdue he decided I really should give birth. "The baby's getting bigger and it's just going to be harder if we leave this much longer." he said, as he booked an appointment for me to be induced on June 22! That was a fun idea since it was Wally's birthday. A baby would be a great birthday gift!

Wally and I loaded the girls off to a sitter and loaded me into the car and headed for the Hospital to get a baby. We were greeted with a solemn faced nurse who explained the labor and delivery rooms were FULL with women who were actually having babies. Me and my induction would have to wait for another, less hectic day.

Wally had taken a day off work to accompany me to the hospital. The next morning I told him he should probably just keep going to work until I was really having the baby so he got up bright and early and headed off. I got up too and got busy doing whatever it is moms with three active little girls do.

Halfway through the morning, I started to feel a little weird...not labour and delivery weird...just a little off. I decided to drop the girls off with my friend and drive over to the hospital (where Wally worked) and talk to Wally about how I was feeling. I needed the break anyway.

I walked into the hospital and talked to someone who suggested a "stress test" to make sure the baby was fine.

Nurse 1: We'll just get you up here on the table and check and see how you're doing.

(I gown up and said nurse starts poking a prodding and prodding some more)

Nurse 1: Hey, Susan will you get over here and come have a look at this? (to me) You sure you're feeling okay?

Me: I'm almost 10 months pregnant-what does okay feel like? ha ha

(Nurse 2 begins poking and pushing and prodding and pushing again)

Nurse 1 and 2 whisper and then yell to Nurse 3: Hey Joan, call upstairs and let them know we've got one coming up!

By now I was a little worried to be the focus of so much attention. Now there were three nurses gazing down at my swollen belly and poking between my legs.

Nurse 2: How did you get here, Mrs. Smart?

I was pretty sure I understood the question so I replied, " Well, I dropped the girls off at the sitter and I came straight from Millwoods down the Whitemud Freeway. It's a pretty direct route."

Nurses 1, 2 and 3(in unison): You DROVE yourself here?!

Finally, Nurse 1 exclaimed, incredulously, "Honey, you're in labour and you're already at six centimetres. You're having a baby!"

Nurse 2: Somebody find Dr. Smart and tell him his wife drove here in labour! What is wrong with that man?!!

PS: Wally and I always joked that the only way we'd ever produce male off spring was if it was by accident. Well, Jordan was about the biggest and the best accident/surprise any young mom and dad could ask for; all 10 pounds 6 ounces of him!

Happy Birthday Big Boy!

adventures in "following the directions"

So today I went to Costco and I bought the Margaritaville Key Lime Frozen Concoction maker! I have been looking at this machine off and on for about two years now. Dylan, my son-in-law (who tended bar while completing his undergraduate degree) assured me that I didn't need it. He said, "It's just a toy, Lorri. All the frozen drinks we make at work are done witha blender and you've got a Bosche. You don't NEED a Margaritaville Key Lime Frozen Concoction maker."

He was basically right; but I REALLY wanted the Margaritaville Key Lime Frozen Concoction maker and I've wanted it for a loooong time. I spent 90 minutes on the phone with telus last Wednesday negotiating a credit for that crazy cell phone bill I had after my Hawaiian vacation. I rationalized that I had earned the new small appliance now that I don't have to pay that nasty bill.

PLUS; next week is Father's day and Wally's birthday and it's almost like I needed the machine to make all the party drinks! So I bought it.

And I brought it home and pulled out the ice and all the drink mixes and was concocting like crazy this afternoon when the ice shaver sort of jammed.

Now we've all read the owners manuals for different household items.

*Don't use the toaster in the bath tub.

*Don't use your curling iron on your eyelashes.

*Unplug.... before servicing.

*Etc.

*Etc.

*Etc.

Like who thinks up all these rules? Seriously, doesn't the manufacturer understand that some things are just "common sense?" I don't think we need to be told EVERYTHING!

On the top of my new concoction maker is an "Ice Resevior" where the ice is fed into the machine. Emblazoned across the top of the resevior are some instructions:

sharp blade beneath; do not put your fingers in here

So the ice sort of jammed and I could see that there was just one cube that was kind of stuck...if I just moved it with my finger...

Ya, you get the picture-kinda like sticking your head in a lawn mower! On some level I knew it was probably a bad idea but really, how sharp could that teeny, tiny

blade be?

PS: It is so hard to type without using my right index finger.

take a chance...

I'm not much of a risk taker. I believe in following the rules and being safe. This risk aversion permeates through all aspects of my life (just ask my kids) and is particularly evident in my driving habits.

I drive the speed limit on the highway. I actually count "3 mississippi's" at stop signs and I only pass on the dotted lines and never on a hill or in the dark. I'm famous for parking between the lines! (even though my children insist on mocking my need for precision)

And I like my boring, comfortable life. You won't find me letting my hair down or doing something outrageous just for the thrill of it.

I drive a red toyota corolla every morning to my office.

"Nola" is a reliable, sensible car for a woman my age. I'm sure she's peppy but haven't really ever felt the need to test it out.

About 8 km into my 35 km commute there is a small town that stretches along the highway for 1km. At that point, the speed limit reduces to 70km/hr for that short piece of road. Now the sensible part of me knows that it would be too risky to speed through that 1km of road. The RCMP are often parked there to distribute speeding tickets to unsuspecting speed demons. I'm not really good at physics but I'm pretty sure the time gained on the entire commute would be mili-seconds and that time gained is tremendously outweighed by the threat of paying the gov't more $$$ than I absolutely have to. So I always slow down.

Except yesterday

I don't know what happened; whether it was hormones or middle age, I can't tell you. But yesterday as I approached the 70km ahead sign I had the thought, "What if I DON'T SLOW DOWN? what's gonna happen? why am I always so careful? Seriously Lorri, you need to step out once in a while-do something wild and crazy."

So I kept my foot on the pedal and maintained a steady 100km/hr. The rush was practically unbearable and I almost braked halfway through but I closed my eyes for a moment and I was on the other side! I still can't believe I did that and even as I type I get a little shaky and nervous recalling the risk. My heart rate has increased and I'm short of breath just thinking about it.

I mentioned the experience to one of my kids. (I really couldn't keep my erratic behavior to myself.) She shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Ya Mom, you're a rebel. Go wild. I dare you to park on the line tomorrow or better yet, roll through that stop sign outside or wait until you start the car to put on your seat belt."

I just don't get any respect.

this mommy is a dummy!

I was texting my kids before many of my lady friends had cell phones. I even know how to use T-9. (i think that's what it was called). I am one of those women who says regularly, " How did I ever manage to raise those first two kids without a cell phone?"

Since my first cell phone and subsequent texting lessons, I have never looked back! I love the instant communication any time of the day or night that is offered by text messaging. I love being able to tell my kids I love them whenever I think of it and if I see something funny or hear some great news I can MASS TEXT the whole gang of them! It's a miracle of modern technology; one more way for mothers to mother.

I carried a cute, red Blackberry for years and never worried about the cost of texting. I had a plan that was grandfathered from 1998 that had unlimited texting (along with per second billing and free long distance-basically the most awesome plan ever!) I have kept in touch with my family when I travel without ever a worry about "roaming charges". I never really understood the dreaded ROAMING having never really experienced it first hand.

All that changed when I got my super awesome amazing i-phone 4! Now don't get me wrong, I

my i-phone. It does things a phone should never really be able to do (which is SUPER AWESOME!!) BUT to be quite honest it took me a while to figure out the texting. I have big chunky fingers and the touch screen is hard to use. The spell checker changes words sometimes like "clothes" to "clever" but I've been able to manage the little inconveniences because the phone is so great.

However, when I got my i-phone I had to change plans-my old plan from 1998 would not transfer to the new technology so I had to buy a new plan that had "data" (whatever the heck that is...). So I bought data and carried on. The lady at the store assured me that I would still be able to text as much as I wanted. What she didn't tell me was that when I travel, it probably wouldn't be the same as my old phone plan.

I got my phone bill last week. It had all the charges for the last month including a "little extra" from my recent trip to Hawaii.

After speaking with a number of people about my situation (I never told anyone it was actually ME that made this dumb mistake) I understand the thing about "roaming data" charges at a very rudimentary, basic level.

Basically, it means that all those goofy texts (AND PHOTOS) that I sent to my five children (and their spouses) over 10 days in Honolulu added up to about the same amount of $$$ I have in my sock drawer that I was saving for a special prize for myself.

Another lesson learned.

I guess there's always next summer to get the Margaritaville D1000. (sigh)

Advice from Elder Busche

...i really wanted my blog to be mostly fun and entertaining but sometimes you come across something that just begs to be shared! i remember being at a meeting in edmonton at least 100 years ago when elder busche was the visiting general authority. even then, i was particularly impressed with his humility and basic common sense understanding of the gospel. this short 6 minute video is just exactly what each one of us needs to hear every now and again. make it your sunday night movie or your fhe lesson this week. and if you can figure out how to load it on your i-pod; do it! ENJOY

PS: i couldn't help but think of the "wear sunscreen" advice that was popular a few years ago when i saw this video BUT this one is even better! have fun and PAY ATTENTION

love from "the mom"

adventures in dishwashing...

Dishes have never been that big a deal for me. You either do them or you don't. I KNOW there are women out there who can't sleep at night if there are dirty dishes in the house but NOT ME! I sleep just fine knowing those pesky little dishes will still be there when I finally get around to dealing with them.

My home was designed with a fatal flaw in that anyone who comes to the front door can see my kitchen counter so usually when the pile becomes high and unsightly, (which is basically after any meal or baking/cooking project) I buckle down and get the dishes done. I just do them and don't worry about it. It's never a HUGE job and the kitchen looks so much better when it's all tidied up.

So even though I can sleep with dirty dishes in the house, I really do try to keep them cleaned up and under control. You never know when the Fed-ex guy or the alarm system dude will be at my front door and Heaven forbid that they should see my dirty dishes.

I've noticed, though, that my married kids don't like doing dishes. They mostly complain about the dishes piling up. As full time students, there is apparently no time for dishes. "Seriously kids, there are only two of you and if you just wash the dishes as soon as you use them, it takes all of 30 seconds to have everything tidied up and put away!" But they protest- "it takes too long, we're too busy- we've got to study, practice, read, write" and so on and so on and so on.

When Angela and Dylan were first married, Angela used the grocery money to buy a counter top dishwasher! much to my surprise...

Nobody likes doing dishes!

But I didn't realize how much they didn't like doing dishes until Sara and Jordan were over for Sunday dinner last week. In the middle of dinner Sara exclaimed to Jordan," Oh brother, did you remember to take the dishes out of the dishwasher?" He calmly replied that he had and not to worry. They were all put away.

I recalled Angela and Dylan's little dorky dishwasher and said incredulously, "You guys didn't BUY a dishwasher, did you?"

"Oh no," was Jordan's matter-of-fact reply. "The landlord is out of town so we took our dishes upstairs and washed them in the dishwasher."

I couldn't believe it!! When I thought about how much energy would be expended with packing up the dishes and carrying them up to the dishwasher and then going and getting them and taking them back downstairs to put away....REALLY, you may as well just do the dishes!!

Post Script: True confessions and credit-the before and after photos of my kitchen featured in this blog were actually taken this morning (before I left for work: I couldn't believe I was leaving the kitchen in such a mess) and this afternoon (when I got home from work: I discovered that Sara had done the dishes and tidied up the kitchen). "How do you let things get so outa control, Mom? I can't believe you left this place in such a mess!"