Not Your Grandma's House Dress

A few years ago my most "fashionable" daughter discovered online shopping. And with that discovery came a whole slew of online shops- hawking everything from leggings and 

t-shirts to unbelievably comfy "housedresses" (designed for the modern mom).

Enter "dwell and slumber"....

I admired her dresses from a distance. I mean anything looks good on her and I thought the dresses were super cute (for a twenty-something adorable mom)

Then her sister bought one and I really liked the look and feel of the house dress. I would often say that I should try one. After all, I am all about comfortable and really these looked like an updated muumuu so how could a granny go wrong with that?

So I hummed and hawed and missed getting myself a house dress because these crazy things sell out in about ten minutes when the new stock is posted! Who knew buying a muumuu would be like trying to get tickets to a rock concert?!!?

So last time the shop restocked, my daughter surprised me by ordering one for me when she ordered hers. It was a lovely surprise and a most thoughtful gift.

And here I am four weeks later loving my horribly expensive, trendy muumuu. I am one happy, comfortable, fashionable granny these days.

But here's the catch ( and there is always a catch) :

These are NOT house dresses. My mom ( and her mother before her) could cook, clean, wrestle children and livestock in a house dress. They could garden and drive tractor and hammer nails and hoist bales in a house dress. My mom and grandma were "full time stay at home" moms (SAHM for the instagram/blogging crowd) and they were active and involved in every aspect of daily living. And they wore a HOUSE DRESS!!

With all due respect, the dwell and slumber dresses are instagram photo op dresses.

I have determined that if I meet an untimely death this week, it will be because I've had one of the following two accidents:

1. I set myself on fire when the sleeves of my house dress dragged across the element on my stove.

2. The sleeves of my "housedress" became entangled in the spin cycle of my washing machine and I was slowly strangled by $100 (CAN) worth of organically sourced, ethically produced cotton jersey (with a little spandex to make the strangling slow and painful)

The house dress is also useless at the sink...the sleeves are soaked after a few dishes and the sleeves also keep hooking on the wires in my dishwasher. The sleeves catch on door knobs and stair rails and pretty much anything that sticks out at arm level. The sleeves also managed to sweep the entire "bank" on to the floor last Sunday morning as I was playing monopoly with the littles.

Hats off to the gals that invented this dress. I've never worn anything more comfortable and I've barely taken it off since it was given to me. But seriously, I'm convinced that housekeeping and motherhood and this dress are mutually exclusive.

There are also a number of blogs boasting that you can sleep in this dress (which I have) and then wear it to work the next morning. (I haven't had the nerve to, yet). I have visualized the dress and the paper shredder and it's not a pretty picture.

Social media and real life make for some crazy combinations and this is one of them. I have bought in completely to this dress and I subscribed to the mailing list so I can get advanced notice of when the shop is re-stocked and ready to take my money. I have even thought of posting a photo of this "granny" in the most comfortable "muumuu" available to womankind. 

And concurrently, I am trying to figure out how anyone gets anything done in this stupid dress. Yesterday was grout cleaning day at my house and I actually changed out of my house dress into yoga shorts and my husband's t-shirt to do a job that should be done in a "house dress".... Maybe modern SAHM don't do house work or at least maybe they actually don't post that part of life on instagram. I'm guessing the latter is the true story.

In the meantime, I will wear my dress until it falls apart or kills me and I can't wait until the shop has new stock!!

The Miracle-Suit (part 2)

As I was peeling myself out of my "miracle suit" the other day, my thoughts drifted back to my childhood swimming lessons. I learned to swim (adequately) and I can still float and paddle around with ease so I'm thankful for the lessons. But it was the water safety portion of my training that popped into my mind as I struggled to release myself from the confines of my miraculous swimwear. "Always swim with a buddy..."

Before my miracle-suit I had that advice safely stored in my memory. I could take it or leave it...without serious consequence. However, it has become very clear to me recently that there was (and is) extraordinary wisdom in that recommendation.

While my suit is extremely comfortable and clearly amazing to wear (wobbly bits tuck in neatly; nothing rides up, nothing falls down) it is, without question, a two man job to get it on!

I remember Dolly Parton (before her crazy diet and all that plastic surgery) jumping up from her table at some awards show to make an acceptance speech and her dress split open at the seams. She covered herself with a jacket and made her way to the microphone where, in her sweet, charming style explained, "It's like my daddy always says; you should never try to stuff 50 pounds of potatoes in a 10 pound sack."

...unless it's a miracle-suit.....

It's hard work to make the fabric do what I need it to do; what it was designed to do. It's especially difficult since I injured my left arm earlier in the spring and quite frankly, I'm simply not nearly as strong or flexible as I used to be. That's why I'm thankful for a "buddy" readily available to pull, poke and tug whenever (and wherever) I require assistance. 

So as much as I love and appreciate my miracle-suit, I really love and appreciate my swimming buddy. Thanks for all the support, you two. 

...my newest miracle suit

and my buddy...

The Miracle-Suit (part 1)

I have always loved "swimsuit season." However, loving the swimsuit has been a life long process. 

As a mother of young children I always worried about how I looked at the beach or the pool. I worried about tan lines and wobbly bits. I worried about those "last ten pounds" way more than I needed to. ( surprise...those ten pounds are now closer to twenty-five and reality says, they're not going anywhere). 

I owned and tolerated swimsuits that worked for me and my body type; more or less. 

I got through my 30's and 40's relatively unscathed by the demands of swimsuit season. I never really was "that mom" on the sidelines in a cover up. So I  trust my kids were not too embarrassed. Thankfully, my husband is a kind man who never commented on my "bikini bod" (maybe he was just in self preservation mode- haha). Either way, I never required extensive therapy to reconcile my struggles with swimwear. But I did struggle.

Then, as a granny in my 50's, I discovered the "miracle-suit" and I've seriously never looked back!! My tan lines and wobbly bits have not changed remarkably and as mentioned, those last 10 pounds persist but I may boldly proclaim that the miracle-suit has changed my life...and LIFE IS GOOD.

I agonized over the first purchase all those seasons ago. The suit cost a small fortune and I was taking a huge risk buying a bathing suit online. But with my first trip to Hawaii rapidly approaching and my swimwear selection bleak to say the least, I broke out my measuring tape (the same one I used in high school home-ec) and measured "accurately" half a dozen times in centimetres and inches! (just to be sure) Then I cross referenced the online fit guide and took the plunge. I meticulously entered my credit card number, billing address, shipping address, rechecked the size and color, pressed submit order and prayed for a miracle.

The original miracle-suit 

(back and front views)

The suit arrived 5-8 business days later and I've been living the miracle ever since! 

Not only did the suit fit well but it managed the wobbly bits and extra pounds with ease. Once I returned from Hawaii, I went back online and ordered the same suit again (this time on sale-score!). I decided I would never be without a miracle-suit for the rest of my mortal life. 

Each season, I check to make sure it is still available, wait for it to go on sale and order it again.

This season, I ordered my 4th and 5th suits. The name may have changed over the years. I think it's a slim-suit or something now but it will always be my miracle-suit. 

...I also branched out and tried a new style this season.

This one is even BETTER

I love the suit(s) and I love to swim, hot tub and generally lay around all summer in it. And for this pasty, plump Granny,  that alone, is a miracle! 

Happy summer!