i am NOT an athelete; Part 2

In an effort to remain young and fit, Wally and I have embarked on some athletic endevors. If you recall, last winter was cross country skis and snow shoes. I eventually was able to be up more than I was down and it was fun.

This summer has seen us riding bikes and hiking.

I don't have any really good pictures of me tipping over on my nephew's bike while visiting in Victoria. I also cannot find the photo of me flaked out in the hotel after climbing to some ridiculously high waterfall while vacationing in Portland.

And I do not have a photo of me in the kayak at Waterton today but let me tell you about the adventure.

This morning we loaded up our kayaks for an adventure in Waterton. This was to be the maiden voyage in our new "toys". I call them toys because they are flat bottom lake kayaks, chosen specifically for me because I am not an athelete and these kayaks are designed for calm, flat lake water. They are "virtually impossible to tip" and easy for the beginner kayaker.

Cameron Lake is one of my favorite spots. I was excited to try out my new boat. When we got out on the lake, we realized it was really alot bumpier than expected. Although there was not a breath of wind in the parking lot, the further we got out into the lake, the rougher it got. I managed to stay afloat and get myself and my equipment back to shore without issue. But I was disappointed and so Wally and I decided to go back down to the townsite and try the lake down there.

It was perfect! We paddled around and I felt like I might have finally found something I could really do! The water was like glass and the mountains were beautiful. I paddled along the shoreline with all the other kayakers and canoers. There were even a couple of toddlers in little red kayaks having a water fight with big supersoakers. It was a beautiful day and I was having a lovely time.

Wally enjoyed himself, as well. He was rowing like a pro and leading the way all afternoon. As we rounded the point and left the Prince of Wales Hotel behind us, I decided I wanted to adjust the little footrests in the front of my kayak. I headed for the shore and pulled myself up on the pebbled beach. I was making my adjustments when Wally came up beside me. He was getting hot so he wanted to take off his shirt. We got all adjusted, rehydrated and got ready to push off and carry on. Wally pointed to the other side of the lake where the mountains were now shading the water and we decided to try that route before we paddled back to the truck.

When I had packed up in the morning I had made sure I brought lots of water to drink, some fun snacks, fresh fruit and a change of shoes in case I didn't want to wear my wet water shoes on the ride home. Too bad I didn't think of a change of underwear and pants and a shirt and maybe a towel!

Yup; I tipped the untippable kayak.

Lessons learned:

1. Mountain water is COLD.

2. It takes about two hours for my columbia "quick dry" pants to kinda dry out a bit.

3. Cotton t-shirts don't dry well at all.

4. Underwear stays wet.

adventures in...nesting?...

Many years ago when friends of ours sent their last child off to university I asked, "So what's it like to have an empty nest?" I was curious as I was right in the middle of that chaos we call raising a family. I could not imagine my house without all the action that comes with five kids.

Having them all living somewhere else seemed to be far of in the distance down a very loud and busy road.

I really wondered what it would be like to have an empty my nest....

My friend smiled and replied, "Things haven't changed all that much; it's just with the kids gone, I am naked more often."

I was a little shocked and kind of embarassed so I giggled and really, deep down believed she was kidding.

Then a few months ago, Wally and I found our nest EMPTY.

There were quite a few Saturday nights when Wally and I would have sundaes for dinner and watch uninterrupted television in bed. We kind of started doing whatever we wanted whenever we wanted. I discovered that empty nesting was FUN!

Then the unexpected happened one Monday morning in March. I was downstairs in the laundry room trying to get all the laundry done before I had to head into the office. I looked down at my pajamas and realized I wanted them in the washing machine too. Without really thinking it through, I peeled out of my clothes and stuffed them in the wash, started the machine and zipped up the stairs. I was halfway to my room before I realized that my friend (all those years ago) had been absolutely RIGHT!

With five kids in the house, I had never (in 30 years) taken off my clothes anywhere except behind a locked door. I found myself giggling self consciously and then laughing right out loud as I reached my closet and quickly grabbed a robe.

Wally came out of the bathroom and looked around, "What's so funny?" he asked.

"My life is a situation comedy minus the live audience..." I answered as I grabbed my clothes and headed to my bathroom to get dressed for work.

adventures in storage...

I stopped off at the store before work this morning to pick up more rubbermaids. Now that all the kids are married and on their own Wally and I have set out on a quest to reclaim our house and make it our own "kid free" space.

As I was headed back to the truck, with half a dozen 68litre (those are the big ones) plastic containers I met an old dude with a spring in his step and a smile on his face. He grinned as he looked me up and down and then he asked, "Planning on doing some storing?"

I smiled and reported, "I've got to get those kids OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

Without missing a beat, he laughed, cocked his head and with a twinkle in his eye he replied, "You sure they'll fit in there?"

MADE MY DAY!

the surprise

Jordan's "golden" birthday kind of came and went. He turned 23 on the 23 of June and everybody was BUSY...working, vacationing, playing...We had known his birthday would fall on busy day so a few days before his birthday, we got together and ate cake in his honor. Part of that fun family tradition is that everyone present gets to tell a story about the birthday boy! The stories were all funny and Jordan endured the attention well.

But there is one story that I completely forgot about until I was visiting with Sara (Jordan's wife) the other day.

I was just getting used to having three little girls to take care of when woops - pregnant again! After the initial shock wore off I got excited and started to plan for four little girls. I mean, it just didn't make any sense for me to imagine a little boy in our family. What were the odds of us actually having our very own real, live BOY?

(angela, diana and sara)

So my pregnancy progressed without incident and the time came for the baby to arrive. The due date was June 3, 1988. And I was basically as big as a house and busy, busy, busy. I loaded up the little girls and took them to a primary party on June 6. Jugglers and treats and a grand time was had by all and no baby arrived. Then there was a flurry of activity through the month of June-end of school parties, trips to the park, the zoo, etc.etc. AND STILL NO BABY!

I had decided I was 1/2 elephant and I would be carrying this baby FOREVER! My doctor believed with all his heart that giving birth was a normal, natural thing and there was no need to interfere with Mother Nature. But as I was moving into my third week overdue he decided I really should give birth. "The baby's getting bigger and it's just going to be harder if we leave this much longer." he said, as he booked an appointment for me to be induced on June 22! That was a fun idea since it was Wally's birthday. A baby would be a great birthday gift!

Wally and I loaded the girls off to a sitter and loaded me into the car and headed for the Hospital to get a baby. We were greeted with a solemn faced nurse who explained the labor and delivery rooms were FULL with women who were actually having babies. Me and my induction would have to wait for another, less hectic day.

Wally had taken a day off work to accompany me to the hospital. The next morning I told him he should probably just keep going to work until I was really having the baby so he got up bright and early and headed off. I got up too and got busy doing whatever it is moms with three active little girls do.

Halfway through the morning, I started to feel a little weird...not labour and delivery weird...just a little off. I decided to drop the girls off with my friend and drive over to the hospital (where Wally worked) and talk to Wally about how I was feeling. I needed the break anyway.

I walked into the hospital and talked to someone who suggested a "stress test" to make sure the baby was fine.

Nurse 1: We'll just get you up here on the table and check and see how you're doing.

(I gown up and said nurse starts poking a prodding and prodding some more)

Nurse 1: Hey, Susan will you get over here and come have a look at this? (to me) You sure you're feeling okay?

Me: I'm almost 10 months pregnant-what does okay feel like? ha ha

(Nurse 2 begins poking and pushing and prodding and pushing again)

Nurse 1 and 2 whisper and then yell to Nurse 3: Hey Joan, call upstairs and let them know we've got one coming up!

By now I was a little worried to be the focus of so much attention. Now there were three nurses gazing down at my swollen belly and poking between my legs.

Nurse 2: How did you get here, Mrs. Smart?

I was pretty sure I understood the question so I replied, " Well, I dropped the girls off at the sitter and I came straight from Millwoods down the Whitemud Freeway. It's a pretty direct route."

Nurses 1, 2 and 3(in unison): You DROVE yourself here?!

Finally, Nurse 1 exclaimed, incredulously, "Honey, you're in labour and you're already at six centimetres. You're having a baby!"

Nurse 2: Somebody find Dr. Smart and tell him his wife drove here in labour! What is wrong with that man?!!

PS: Wally and I always joked that the only way we'd ever produce male off spring was if it was by accident. Well, Jordan was about the biggest and the best accident/surprise any young mom and dad could ask for; all 10 pounds 6 ounces of him!

Happy Birthday Big Boy!

adventures in "following the directions"

So today I went to Costco and I bought the Margaritaville Key Lime Frozen Concoction maker! I have been looking at this machine off and on for about two years now. Dylan, my son-in-law (who tended bar while completing his undergraduate degree) assured me that I didn't need it. He said, "It's just a toy, Lorri. All the frozen drinks we make at work are done witha blender and you've got a Bosche. You don't NEED a Margaritaville Key Lime Frozen Concoction maker."

He was basically right; but I REALLY wanted the Margaritaville Key Lime Frozen Concoction maker and I've wanted it for a loooong time. I spent 90 minutes on the phone with telus last Wednesday negotiating a credit for that crazy cell phone bill I had after my Hawaiian vacation. I rationalized that I had earned the new small appliance now that I don't have to pay that nasty bill.

PLUS; next week is Father's day and Wally's birthday and it's almost like I needed the machine to make all the party drinks! So I bought it.

And I brought it home and pulled out the ice and all the drink mixes and was concocting like crazy this afternoon when the ice shaver sort of jammed.

Now we've all read the owners manuals for different household items.

*Don't use the toaster in the bath tub.

*Don't use your curling iron on your eyelashes.

*Unplug.... before servicing.

*Etc.

*Etc.

*Etc.

Like who thinks up all these rules? Seriously, doesn't the manufacturer understand that some things are just "common sense?" I don't think we need to be told EVERYTHING!

On the top of my new concoction maker is an "Ice Resevior" where the ice is fed into the machine. Emblazoned across the top of the resevior are some instructions:

sharp blade beneath; do not put your fingers in here

So the ice sort of jammed and I could see that there was just one cube that was kind of stuck...if I just moved it with my finger...

Ya, you get the picture-kinda like sticking your head in a lawn mower! On some level I knew it was probably a bad idea but really, how sharp could that teeny, tiny

blade be?

PS: It is so hard to type without using my right index finger.

take a chance...

I'm not much of a risk taker. I believe in following the rules and being safe. This risk aversion permeates through all aspects of my life (just ask my kids) and is particularly evident in my driving habits.

I drive the speed limit on the highway. I actually count "3 mississippi's" at stop signs and I only pass on the dotted lines and never on a hill or in the dark. I'm famous for parking between the lines! (even though my children insist on mocking my need for precision)

And I like my boring, comfortable life. You won't find me letting my hair down or doing something outrageous just for the thrill of it.

I drive a red toyota corolla every morning to my office.

"Nola" is a reliable, sensible car for a woman my age. I'm sure she's peppy but haven't really ever felt the need to test it out.

About 8 km into my 35 km commute there is a small town that stretches along the highway for 1km. At that point, the speed limit reduces to 70km/hr for that short piece of road. Now the sensible part of me knows that it would be too risky to speed through that 1km of road. The RCMP are often parked there to distribute speeding tickets to unsuspecting speed demons. I'm not really good at physics but I'm pretty sure the time gained on the entire commute would be mili-seconds and that time gained is tremendously outweighed by the threat of paying the gov't more $$$ than I absolutely have to. So I always slow down.

Except yesterday

I don't know what happened; whether it was hormones or middle age, I can't tell you. But yesterday as I approached the 70km ahead sign I had the thought, "What if I DON'T SLOW DOWN? what's gonna happen? why am I always so careful? Seriously Lorri, you need to step out once in a while-do something wild and crazy."

So I kept my foot on the pedal and maintained a steady 100km/hr. The rush was practically unbearable and I almost braked halfway through but I closed my eyes for a moment and I was on the other side! I still can't believe I did that and even as I type I get a little shaky and nervous recalling the risk. My heart rate has increased and I'm short of breath just thinking about it.

I mentioned the experience to one of my kids. (I really couldn't keep my erratic behavior to myself.) She shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Ya Mom, you're a rebel. Go wild. I dare you to park on the line tomorrow or better yet, roll through that stop sign outside or wait until you start the car to put on your seat belt."

I just don't get any respect.

this mommy is a dummy!

I was texting my kids before many of my lady friends had cell phones. I even know how to use T-9. (i think that's what it was called). I am one of those women who says regularly, " How did I ever manage to raise those first two kids without a cell phone?"

Since my first cell phone and subsequent texting lessons, I have never looked back! I love the instant communication any time of the day or night that is offered by text messaging. I love being able to tell my kids I love them whenever I think of it and if I see something funny or hear some great news I can MASS TEXT the whole gang of them! It's a miracle of modern technology; one more way for mothers to mother.

I carried a cute, red Blackberry for years and never worried about the cost of texting. I had a plan that was grandfathered from 1998 that had unlimited texting (along with per second billing and free long distance-basically the most awesome plan ever!) I have kept in touch with my family when I travel without ever a worry about "roaming charges". I never really understood the dreaded ROAMING having never really experienced it first hand.

All that changed when I got my super awesome amazing i-phone 4! Now don't get me wrong, I

my i-phone. It does things a phone should never really be able to do (which is SUPER AWESOME!!) BUT to be quite honest it took me a while to figure out the texting. I have big chunky fingers and the touch screen is hard to use. The spell checker changes words sometimes like "clothes" to "clever" but I've been able to manage the little inconveniences because the phone is so great.

However, when I got my i-phone I had to change plans-my old plan from 1998 would not transfer to the new technology so I had to buy a new plan that had "data" (whatever the heck that is...). So I bought data and carried on. The lady at the store assured me that I would still be able to text as much as I wanted. What she didn't tell me was that when I travel, it probably wouldn't be the same as my old phone plan.

I got my phone bill last week. It had all the charges for the last month including a "little extra" from my recent trip to Hawaii.

After speaking with a number of people about my situation (I never told anyone it was actually ME that made this dumb mistake) I understand the thing about "roaming data" charges at a very rudimentary, basic level.

Basically, it means that all those goofy texts (AND PHOTOS) that I sent to my five children (and their spouses) over 10 days in Honolulu added up to about the same amount of $$$ I have in my sock drawer that I was saving for a special prize for myself.

Another lesson learned.

I guess there's always next summer to get the Margaritaville D1000. (sigh)