the baby daddy!

Grayson has all the makings of a fantastic father. He is big and strong and kind and patient. It's been a tough couple of weeks for him. He's trying to finish up and graduate. He's trying to "be there" for his wife and he's had to wear that stupid bracelet everywhere he goes. Hang in there Gray! Keep on breathing Little Logan!

grayson spends a lot of time standing by

diana and giving her hugs....

grayson and diana giving logan "hugs"

grayson sporting this season's

NICU accesories; pass card and

barcode bracelet

"All the dad's are wearing these"

one step forward and two steps back...and so on...

We were a little bit surprised when we arrived at the hospital Monday morning. Logan had traded in his big gun for an even bigger gun! The new ventilator has bigger tubes, more bells, louder whistles and so on and so on.

We hadn't anticipated any changes overnight. Sunday had been such a hopeful day with reports of positive responses to treatment and prayers in our hearts. What a way to start the week.

BUT

This is by far the biggest and loudest machine in the NICU. The doctor explained that Little Logan's lungs are simply not working the way they should. He's been trying to breathe for two full weeks now and it wasn't working out for him. "So they hooked him up to the super-duper ventilator to help him breathe."

The doctor understood our "concern" (code for PANIC!) and was very kind and spent a lot of time explaining to Diana just exactly what was going on. Logan's lungs were so immature and many of the interventions to keep him breathing were actually hard on his lungs. So the step back to the more complicated machinery was actually a good thing because it will help Logan more and allow his little lungs to heal and develop properly.

the new machine meant MORE tubes and wires

Little logan barely has any spots left to attach things to

but his little red "love light" is cute; measuring his oxygen

On the other hand, it was a stressful day as Logan was x-rayed, ultra sounded, poked, prodded and medicated for most of the day. The nurses said he was too sick to touch and that made Diana sad because the nurses were in the isolette ALL DAY and Diana was told to back off. She did sneak a couple of "hugs" when the nurse was on break but it was a tough day.

grayson and diana giving their boy some luvs!

After Diana and I relaxed enough to breathe on our own again, we headed to the hospital cafeteria. We needed a break and greasy fries, grilled cheese and philly steak seemed to be the kind of comfort we needed. Yes, I'm gaining weight from sitting and eating "comfort" food all day and Diana is losing weight from worrying and making all that breast milk for Logan.

Grayson's probably going to be ok. He just posts on FB when he's hungry and the gals from church bring him food. Thanks for the strawberry-rhubarb pie!!

So today is another day. The hospital reports Little Logan is resting comfortably.

That's all good. And we tended to let the big gun overshadow the good things that were reported yesterday. Here's a list of more good stuff; Logan now weighs more than two pounds. He's gotten longer by about half an inch. He is "eating" Diana's breast milk through a feeding tube. (apparently that's AWESOME) The PDA thingy was closed. (praying it stays that way). He's actually looking less like a space monkey and more like a beautiful baby boy. And with the help of the big, loud, nasty ventilator Logan is breathing better than he has for days. Go Logan! We're rootin' for you!

dad, mom and logan. FHE @ the NICU

sweet sunday

Today (Sunday) marks two weeks since Little Logan arrived. It's been a stressful, hectic time but it's also been a couple of weeks of increased faith and prayers.

my favorite place to be Sunday morning...

I love Sundays and look forward to the rejuvenation the "day of rest" has to offer. It's often the best day of my week. Even though Logan's extended family is spread far and wide across North America, he can rest comfortably today knowing that his family is attending church meetings, offering prayers on his behalf and recharging for the coming week's activities.

This morning we decided it would be a good idea for Diana to get some rest. She's been going hard since Logan arrived and needs to be healthy to be able to take care of him when the time comes. So she was ordered to bed and Grayson, Wally and I dressed for church. We decided we could sneak in to Sacrament meeting before going to visit Logan at the hospital.

sshhh! tired mom sleeping...

When we arrived at church we were greeted by friends who were interested to know how Little Logan is doing. And we were met by the sweetest surpirse! A few of the ladies at church have been working all week to do something special for Logan. He's not your regular type baby. He can't wear clothes and Mom and Dad are at the hospital so much, they really can't use a casserole. But the gals at church put on their thinking caps and did the SWEETEST thing. (Did I mention they're SWEET ?) They made pins!

Everyone at church was given a Little Logan pin to remind us to keep the little guy in our prayers! We were so touched by their kindness and as a mom/mama, I am breathing so much easier knowing that Grayson, Diana, and Little Logan are surrounded and supported by people who love them. What a great day!

And when we got to the hospital it was comforting to learn that the little PDA thing is responding to treatment and Logan is chugging right along. It's going to be a while before he's a "healthy baby boy" but at least for now he's headed in that direction.

daddy changing the diaper this morning

mom was home resting

diaper changed and all comfy

nicely done, DAD

papa giving Logan a little good bye handshake

"see you in three weeks, little buddy"

Little Logan tucked in for some serious Sunday napping/breathing

whew!

Not bad for a Sunday!

new digs....

Little Logan has had a tough couple of days. Breathing on his own and having that "PDA" wore his tiny body right out. The PDA caused problems in the lungs and of course, his heart. Yesterday the doctor decided to give him a break and let the ventilator help him breath for a time while his body tries to process the medicines that he's being given to help him heal, develop and ultimately grow.

this looks alot like his old apartment but it's actually

a fantastic upgrade! the ventilator that logan uses right now

is the perfect helper; it senses when he's taking a breath.

if he can't finish, it finishes for him.

if he forgets to take a breath, it reminds him.

it wants him to do the work but is compassionate enough

to help out when he can't try any more.

Even though it would be best for Logan to NOT have the ventilator there is one perk to this upgrade. His C-PAP machine required that he wear that awful knit tube on his head with those nasty orange elastics to hold the equipment in place. It was kind of tight and his head is sort of soft. The result was a total CONE HEAD. Every night when the cap was removed we joked about how pointy his head was. We knew it was only temporary but it was still disconcerting to have to see him looking so odd.

After only a few hours, his head is perfectly round and his little face is BEAUTIFUL! He's as perfect as those over-priced porcelain dolls that you can get in the mail; only better.

the ventilator is a bit un-nerving as the tube runs down his

throat but we can look for the cuteness in this too.

Little Logan wraps his teeny tongue around the tube

and sucks on it all day- like a pacifier! adorable in a

heart wrenching sort of way....

The Healing Garden

The Children's Hospital at Legacy Emanuel is an incredible place. The staff is thoughtful and compassionate. They are also very patient and will repeat the same information 30 times a day without complaint.

This afternoon, in an effort to decompress, I took a walk around the hospital. I've walked by the "Healing Garden" every morning and night for 10 days. Today the sun was shining so I decided to go exploring. There truly is something healing about a garden.

the tin man greets visitors to the garden

he even stands on a yellow brick path

the garden is full of surprises

a new little creature around every corner

These are just a few of the fun interesting sights to enjoy in the healing garden. I actually felt better imagining a healthy, active Little Logan running around this garden and getting his picture taken on the cows.

It's good to take a break. I'm thankful for my time in the "Healing Garden" and of course, I'm thankful for Little Logan and all the lessons I'm learning from him.

the ventilator means Logan was able to ditch the hat

and enjoy an afternoon with just a headband...it also

meant he had a better day, relaxing and breathing-

exactly what he needs to do...

as measured by duck

There has been more than a few enquiries regarding the actual size of Logan and his duck. So this morning, once we were sure he was breathing again, we took a moment to assess and photograph just so everyone can visualize what little Logan would look like compared to items at your house.

As you can see, Papa arrived this morning and was able to come and see Little Logan. Mr Duck measures 4 inches top to toe. For the younger generation that's 10 centimeters.

So while Diana was changing his diaper this morning she laid Mr Duck up against Logan, for comparison. Logan is a hair over three ducks long and right around half a duck wide.

Diana is the bravest mom on the planet

and doing really well in the diaper changing

and loving department

And Logan is one tough little nut. Last night he was too tired from all the breathing he's been doing and he decided he wouldn't do it anymore. Plus the little shortcut from the heart to the lungs that is allowed to be open inutero has stayed open since he made his early arrival. It's called a PDA and it has caused some problems with both his heart and lungs. It has to close up or things won't work out for Logan in the breathing and growing department.

So this morning Logan earned a run on the ventilator (to help him breathe), antibiotics (just in case it's aninfection wearing him down) and the special medicine to help close up that PDA. For all my friends who actually understand this situation, forgive me for not explaining the medical stuff correctly. All I know is that today is a better day than last night and that we love this Little Logan with all our hearts!! Breathe on, Buddy!

what not to wear-NICU

There have been a few comments about Logan's wardrobe (or lack thereof) in NICU.

So this is a little post to let you know what all the fashion conscious preemies are wearing this season.

For the little guys with tissue paper thin skin and a little bit of jaundice, shades are the most important part of the ensemble. These little soft cotton sunglasses come in three sizes; micro, tiny and preemie. Logan has been sporting the micro size on the days he needs to hit the beach. He was able to ditch the shades for a couple of days but they're back on this morning as he was scheduled for tanning again.

The other indispensible item is his little cotton cap that holds his CPAP in place. These little caps are simply soft cotton tubes that are open on both ends so his breathing aparatus can be secured to his head. After the hat is secured, he gets a little chin strap that wraps around his chin and fastens on the top of his head with velcro. The chin strap reminds him to keep his mouth closed so his airflow is undeterred. It looks a bit like something he'd wear on the football field so he's off to a good, solid start.

We have learned to listen and watch his little bubbler-it is part of the machine that helps him breathe. When he opens his mouth or rips off his chin strap or nose tubes the little bubbler stops bubbling and the alarms go off. It's important he keep his hat on and not tug on his tubes. It's all part of a very complicated, expensive ensemble. The tubes come in white and blue and clash miserably with the bright orange elastics that hold them in place. Apparently, the only colors we pay attention to in NICU are the skin colors: purple (not enough oxygen), yellow (jaundiced) and pink (all good!).

Once he's got his head gear on, he's pretty much dressed for the day. The diaper is optional depending on the condition of his skin. He's only had one day with his "bum to the sun." The rest of the time he has been able to wear the hospital issue "micro" diapers. They are available in plain white and nursery print. Neither is particularly flattering and both are a little big at this point requiring them to be folded down and tucked around; making for a rather bulky looking bum. We've tried to mix it up as best we can just to give him a little variety in his outfits.

Little Logan in his big diaper

ready for a nother day of breathing

Also available for the little fashionistas in NICU are a variety of patches, probes, wrist bands, and leg warmers (they're not really leg warmers but small guaze tube slipped over appendages to keep any number of lines or IV's in place. When something has to be secured indefinitely, there is the hospital tape that they claim is not sticky and really doesn't hurt when it's removed - but seriously, we all know what it feels like to rip off a band aide. They aren't fooling any one, especially Logan who squirms and squeaks and thrashes around every time he needs something changed.

This photo shows some of this season's most up to date accesories. Wires in a variety of colors, patches (white to record respiration rate, i think and gold for heart rate-it actually is a little heart but it has to be cut in half right now to fit), his wrist band with his very own bar code which is scanned many times a day just to make sure he's still himself...and the leg warmer which holds his PICC line in place.

So Logan's fashion choices at this point are quite limited. He is not allowed to wear clothes until he can breathe all day and all night all by himself. Then they will pop the top of his isolette and he'll be out in the world in need of some clothing. Until then it's diapers and caps and wires........

He really is in there!

Once he's out in the room with his lid off we will be excited to dress him in clothes. For any one who wants to buy him clothes, feel confident that anything in the stores is something he will grow in to. I've been looking this week at preemie clothes and even the smallest sizes are still too big for this little man. So have fun. Go shopping and remember the only thing that Logan CAN'T wear in NICU is clothes.