caffeine for breakfast;red blood cells for lunch

Little Logan has been breathing around the clock for just more than 15,840 minutes! That's a lot of hard work for a little guy that just barely tipped the scales at 2 pounds this morning. And it would seem that all that breathing can simply wear him out.

Yesterday Logan would breathe for a while and then just take a break. Apparently babies do that all the time inutero because they can...Out here in the real world, it's not such a good idea. After a few too many pauses, it was decided that he needed a little more caffeine to keep him alert and breathing. (apparently, caffeine is medicine in the NICU) And yes, all I could think of was Starbucks and Diet coke when I heard the word "caffeine".

The little increase seemed to help a bit as the hours passed but by evening it was pretty clear he was just getting tired of trying so hard. The pauses increased in frequency in spite of the efforts to help him out and make him comfortable.

He had a pretty good night but by this morning he was done. When we arrived at the hospital he was all stretched out, lethargic and reminded me of a couch potatoe gone bad.

A couple days ago Grayson remarked, "What my boy needs is a big, juicy steak! We should feed him some good Alberta beef." It turns out that's exactly what he needed.

Today he had a blood transfusion which sounds kind of scary but actually turned out to be quite remarkable. The health care professionals spent most of the morning getting him ready for the big event. That included fishing an IV into a vein that is probably no thicker than some heavy cotton thread...a feat in itself. Then the red cells arrived arrived from the blood lab - all 14 mL nicely packaged in a little syringe. And the IV proceeded throughout the afternoon, literally one drop at a time. It was about 4 hours from start to finish to drip just over a teaspoon of fresh, healthy red blood cells into Little Logan's little vein.

By the evening he was wiggling and squirming and BREATHING again. It was exciting to watch Diana change his diaper as he complained, flailed his arms, kicked his legs and tried to pull at anything he could get his hands on.

So he's been tucked in for another night; safe and sound in the care of the most expensive babysitters on the planet. He's bound to get tired again. He's got a lot of breathing and growing to do but we're thankful for skilled professionals and a little guy that is doing the best he can.

logan tucked in with his new blanket and "the duck"

for jessi and girafee...

Hanging out at the hospital could be a lot of fun if you're not sick. Emanuel Children's Hospital in Portland is no exception. I've quite enjoyed all the fun things I've seen and heard here as I've wandered the halls. My niece Jessica loves giraffes and this is just a few of the fun things that are here in the hospital.

The fun decor is a welcome distraction as the day wears on and we get worn down watching Little Logan breathe and grow!

...to be continued....

keeping score

I've spent a lot of time over the years watching the score. Football, basketball, volleyball, soccer and hockey all have some kind of scoreboard. On some level I knew that those little illuminated numbers were not really going to change my life. But it sometimes felt that way. It was hard to remain calm in the heat of the game.

I would often experience shortness of breath or tingling in my hands and arms as the game got more exciting or tense. Occasionally I would have to get up and go for a walk if the score was too difficult to watch.

These last few days I've been watching a different kind of score clock. It also has left me short of breath and a little tense in the middle of the game. I've had to walk away a few times because it's hard to keep breathing as the numbers keep changing. It's been a rough few days and that illuminated panel has definitely kept score while standing as a reminder that this game really counts towards playoffs and finals. I feel an urgency for victory in this fight.

And so far, Little Logan is winning.

Go Team!

objects are smaller than they appear

I am a little light headed from holding my breath for the last 9 days. Little Logan continues to work hard. The list of complications this little guy is up against is longer than he is (33cm last night)...but we continue to pray for a miracle. In the mean time, we watch him breathe every moment that we can.

And yesterday, Diana and I went SHOPPING! The Baby Boutique is located right down the hall from the NICU and it's a place where new moms can go to get the equipment they need to take care of themselves and these tiny babies. The clothing in the Baby Boutique comes in three sizes; micro, tiny and preemie. Right now Little Logan is about half the size of a micro..."yup; keep breathing little Buddy".

this is his little foot and his awesome little leg warmer

teeny-tiny

Grayson and Diana were told that they could bring Logan some bedding for his isolette so Diana was anxious to get something cute for him.

this is where Logan lives and breathes

The Baby Boutique has a great supply of cute, soft receiving blankets so that's what we set out to purchase yesterday in the afternoon. It was with cautious anticipation that we chose a package of receiving blankets to take back to the little guy.

While we were shopping, we saw the cutest little duck. This is significant because the NICU is divided into sections and Logan is in the DUCK row. His address for the next 10-14 weeks is DUCK 8. Plus, the Oregon Ducks won some kind of significant football game this past weekend so we thought it might be ok for him to have his very own lucky duck. And the duck was the smallest stuffed toy we have happened upon in the last little while. So we bought Logan his first toy-a duck! and carried it back to NICU.

Logan was given a duckie quilt when he arrived...

his new little duck fit nicely witht he decor

As we were tucking him into bed last night we decided to show him his new toy. Bear in mind, the duck is small. It is a little toy for a little boy.

So there you have it! Logan's first photo with his first stuffie.

Breathe and Grow Little Logan...you're going to want to haul that duck around at some point.

all about breathing

this post is not meant to be particularly funny or wry but at the craziest times, i have the most ridiculous thoughts and this morning was one of those times.

as you know, our family welcomed a beautiful new little human bean on november 20, 2011. diana wasn't feeling well sunday night and delivered a baby boy about 30 minutes after walking into the hospital. she'd been achy and uncomfortable for days and finally decided she needed to see a doctor. her pregnancy to that point had been relatively uneventful and she and grayson were looking forward to having a baby in late february or early march (february is a short month)

little logan wallace michel arrived 14 weeks early and it's been nothing but bells, whistles, alarms and beeping ever since. he is so tiny and this morning we start counting day 5. we are praying for a miracle every moment and so far heavenly father is watching over the little guy.

yesterday was a tough day. he's losing weight and having a hard time breathing. i'm still kind of holding my breath just thinking about his little chest raising and falling...and just not raising again. it was so hard to watch as the skilled professionals brought him back to life more than once in the last 24 hours.

this morning i woke up on diana's couch and the first thing that i saw was this sign on her bookcase

i laid there for a minute as i tried to process where i was, what i was reading and how it all fit together...

then the thought came to mind, "NOPE! IT'S ALL ABOUT BREATHS!"

breathe on little guy. we love you.

...and i've gotta get rid of that sign

adventures in las vegas!

Wally registered to attend the American Psychatric Congress this year. It's one of the best meetings for learnng all about the newest and most interesting things going on in psychiatry world wide. The meeting is often held in "go to" locations; Boston, Honolulu, SanDiego,etc.

Ironically, this year the meeting was in "Fabulous LAS VEGAS". I say ironically because my impression of Las Vegas from one previous visit almost 20 years ago was that the whole strip just seemed a little crazy! (it was a psychiatric conference that time too)

I determined to see a little more of the place this time and understood that the strip might have changed in 20 years. The first thing I learned was that the hotel I had stayed in 20 years ago no longer stands.

the implosion of the Alladin in 1998

As a matter of fact, there's an actual website of videos of all the Vegas implosions over the last twenty years or so (http://www.vegas.com/lounge/implosions.html). It is an interesting concept. When they want to build something, it would appear the developers of Las Vegas just blow up a building and then they start busily constructing; and it became very clear to me that the only way to go in Vegas is BIGGER!

My destination for this trip was The Venetian; a 3500 room monstrosity that was overwhelming from the get go. My trip to the hotel is a whole 'nother blog but when we arrived I was amazed at the size of the lobby! It reminded me of the cathedrals I'd toured in Europe as a teenager-only bigger!

As we wound our way to the front desk to check in (I think the owners in Vegas follow the Temple Grandin theory of "herding") I was taken aback by the size of the place and the number of people in one area. I had the thought that there were probably more people in the lobby than there were back home in the whole town of Magrath! Two days later when I visited the lobby for some concierge advice I found it crammed tighter and solidified my theory.

Who knew that something as simple as checking in would be such an adventure? As Wally gave his name and started to check in, the girl behind the counter looked troubled. "You know, Dr. Smart, you've booked one of our smaller rooms. For only $40 more a night, we could upgrade you to a much nicer suite."

Wally and I looked at each other. We really didn't need more than a bed and a bathroom so we smiled and confirmed that we would just keep the little, shabby room. We were planning on being out a lot anyway and how bad could it be?

So we ended up in a "small " 650 square foot king suite with a sunken living room and 3 tv's ! Seriously, the suite was almost as big as my main floor and when you added in the bathroom, the space was definitely as big as my house! (or at least it seemed that way-haha)

So we settled in, tried not to get lost in the cavernous "room" and wondered just what the heck the extra 40 bucks might have provided....

(to be continued...of course)